I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
