My sheets look like a crime scene.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize