Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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