I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
