I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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