well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize