I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
