I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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