dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
