I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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