apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
