Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
