I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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