Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize