In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
