So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
