i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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