How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
