does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
