He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
