Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
