i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
