im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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