My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
