Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
