I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize