So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
