i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
