I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
50% drunk capacity currently
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
