Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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