a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
