Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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