I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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