so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
