i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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