I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
