Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
