This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
