let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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