mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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