spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize