dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I had to cum in my sink.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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