So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize