I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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