In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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