Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
