I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
