look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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