it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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