How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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