just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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