she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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