we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
