the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
