How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
