therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
