I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize