I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
