If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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