We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
