I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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