And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
