All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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