So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
