Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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