I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
