:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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