she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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