I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
