Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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