Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
