Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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