My sheets look like a crime scene.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
