So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
