hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We are all done wearing pants today
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
