My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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